The five of us sat around a small colorful table, clutching an over-sweetened plantain tea in thick clay mugs. The heat of the mug warmed my body from the evening wind chill that had begun. The five of us. Three midwives. One nurse. One intern. Three different nationalities, five different heights, weights, smiles, voices and walks of life. The five of us, all women. We gathered to share an evening break and snack from a long day in the birthing clinic. It was March 6^th, two days before International Women’s Day, Dia Internacional de la Mujer. We smiled, and told stories of how this day came about. I pointed out that its not just one day of the year that women should be celebrated, that by making it one day as a special holiday it means that celebrating women is something that’s out of the ordinary. I was preaching to the choir here. All of us, women, strong, and confident, we smiled and laughed, sipping down our warm plantain teas.

We were pulled from the space of our quiet refuge and break with a consult that came in. I left the table and the warmth of the tea, only halfway consumed, to attend to the patient. The patient was there, her husband, her first child, and her mother-in-law. There was a deep sadness in the room. The mother-in-law was crying. The mother began to cry as well. I felt the mother’s pregnant belly. It was still small. Before I knew her due-date I guessed around 6 ½ months. And yes, in fact, it turned out she was due in April, the 25^th to be precise. That was still seven weeks away, nearly two months. Yet this woman was having contractions… We checked her dilation; she had two centimeters of dilation. She had stopped crying at this point, but began again when hearing her cervix was dilated, and there was blood on the gloves after we checked her. The very young man with pock marks and a hunched demeanor in the chair was her husband, awkwardly attempting to care for their first child as his wife was on our examination table. He began to speak in a matter of fact tone. “I hit her, often. I think she says things to annoy me. She tells me her back hurts just to bother me. She asked me to help her move and clean a large mattress this morning. But Im a man, I don’t do that sort of work. So I made her do it on her own.” The woman was forced to move and wash the large mattress by her self. The strain and stress of which had put her into early labor, two months early, to be more precise. The husband showed no remorse, no qualms, just calmly explained his side of the story, that it was not his job to help his wife do the work that was, as a woman, hers to do.

The irony of the timing of all of this was sickening. The whole thing was sickening. The five of us woman were interrupted from speaking about Women’s Day to come into a scenario where we are reminded of the fact that perhaps having an international day for women’s celebrating is still a good idea. I believe in, and hope for a day when this holiday no hace falta, because women are already celebrated every other day of the year. I guess one day out of 365 is better than zero. The reality is, it wont be until those men like this man today, step up, put their machista pride aside, and help to wash the literal or metaphorical mattress at hand; perhaps then International Women’s Day will not be necessary.

It’s hard to not feel my whole body tighten in this moment, and in moments like this one today with the woman forced into early labor. I feel the tightness begin in my hairline, in my jaw, my neck my shoulders, and all the way down to my perineum. Its hard to not feel hardness towards all men—drawn back in time to second-wave feminism—when I meet one like this one, who so matter-of-factly disrespects his pregnant wife.

I have to stop, step back, be still, and remind myself that this man, too, is suffering deeply. In a macho society, where gender roles are staunchly defined and rigid, everyone suffers. A world that is unsafe for women is also unsafe for men. A world of machismo and strictly divided gender roles also violates men as much as women. It violates men’s right to feel emotions, softness, and gentle caring. It robs them of their ability to express and have a relationship with their authentic emotions and sensations. It forces them to use violence to prove their manliness and worthiness among their male peers. They are kept from being fully honest, at all times, with themselves and others. They are kept from the full spectrum of their feelings. They are judged and not trusted. They are labeled as violent animals. There is no space in a macho society for their innate vulnerability and sensitivity. In a society with strict gender roles and sexism no one truly gets to be whole.

As a woman I find sometimes I envy men. I envy feeling safe in all places that I go. I envy not being harassed. I envy not being a target of sexual aggression and objectification. I envy their physical strength. But, what I do not envy of men in a macho society is that as a woman, I always get to have a relationship with my own vulnerability. I get to not only explore, but, outwardly and openly express the five sacred emotions known to humans. I get to explore the sensation of sensitivity; I get to always be honest with what I feel. More often than not, as a woman I am quite often given the benefit of the doubt. No one automatically assumes me a violent predator. I feel a deep sigh of relief from the woman who walks onto a crowded bus and sees a spot open next to me. I feel trusted every day. It is easy to see, outwardly, that women suffer so greatly in a machista society. But, there are countless difficulties for men that just may be a bit harder to see. As a woman, I always have a space of the entirety of feelings and expressions of the whole spectrum of sensations and emotions, without the legitimacy of my femininity being questioned. Though I don’t think having an International Women’s Day should be necessary for women to be celebrated in this world, until we realize that machismo in societies is negative for all genders, it may be helpful to have one day of the year to remind us to work towards a bit more equality.

“Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong.” ~Emma Watson