As I took my finals this morning, this means that my first semester of Nurse Practitioner school at Vanderbilt University has come to an end. This experience has been close to the hardest of my life (likely Guatemala still holds that coveted #1 spot, but TBD). I left an amazing lifestyle, and a job, family, friends, and comforts that I absolutely adored in Boulder, CO and packed my lil Prius (every inch) and moved on my own to a city I knew nothing about where I knew essentially no one. I dove into the abyss of unknown to follow some inkling (or as some might resonate with it, calling) to begin my studies to become a nurse midwife and family nurse practitioner.
This experience has challenged me physically, emotionally, spiritually, and of course academically, as nothing I’ve studied before has required this amount of focus and sincere responsibility. At times this experience has felt incredibly overwhelming and honestly amazingly lonely. As often at the end of the day I’d had to be my own best friend, and my own spiritual teacher.
However, there’s something about this experience that’s also been the most deeply self connecting and self discovering and enriching. It’s almost as if through the walls of Vanderbilt and Nashville I have come to discover my truer more aligned version of myself on my walk in this world. As a dear friend said to me once, “it’s when you’re squeezed that your true nectar surfaces.” And he was right. I thought I would lose myself here, since all of my community, spiritual teachers, and people who hold me accountable are still in Boulder. But it appears that the opposite happened. I deepened into what is more true to me. I learned to really listen to myself and build a relationship with even the soft whispers inside of my heart-perhaps as simple as what to have for dinner, and as deep as what level of connection, meditation, practice, words, etc were needed in what moment and why. And I became more in touch with my sense of strength and connection. I have experienced so much incredible JOY here. And I have met people, friends, and professors who have exquisitely taught me so much, humbled and inspired me to be a better person, and unveiled new Truths within my heart.
Though of course one semester is really not a lot of time, in a way it feels like much longer. Turns out a lot can happen in just 4 months. I honestly wish this type of experience on everyone. One that is incredibly challenging but if there is an unwavering sense of “why” in the heart, the mind/body can endure any “how” (I’ll throw some credit to the author Victor Frankl for that one #manssearchformeaning).
There is pride and purpose in fully taking yourself on and stepping up to be all that you can be in this life, and assuming the many challenges (and gifts!) that undeniably accompany that. And in this moment of post-finals bliss, I feel more grateful than ever.
Yes, there are many more (difficult) semesters and long hospital hours and rotations ahead. But right now I feel accomplished. Now I will pause, rest, recharge with the ones I love, and reflect in gratitude for all the new connections I have made in my life, heart, Essence, and of course, neurons 🧠.
featured image credit: https://news.vanderbilt.edu/2016/04/29/vanderbilt-university-medical-center-independent-entity-effective-april-30/